Stupid Criminal of the Week

A driver swerving along Interstate 5, pulled over on Dec. 13, couldn't play it cool for the law. After having to be reminded why he was pulled over, the man proceeded to spill credit cards all over the roadway when the officer asked him for identification. The officer assisted him with the cleanup, and the man began to adamantly deny drinking. When questioned about the alcoholic odor of his breath, he admitted to having a peppermint drink at a party. While attempting to perform basic field sobriety tests, the man failed to keep his balance, citing an old injury caused by a collision with a drunken driver. After being placed under arrest, the man apologized for lying, claiming he knew he “did a boo boo.”
A later check showed the man's license to be invalid. He tested slightly above the legal limit, which prompted a long narrative by the arresting officer about how he seemed more drunk than the test actually showed. The man said he might have had a low tolerance for alcohol because he reportedly didn't drink all that often. He hopped a ride with the officer to Fife Jail.

A teen was arrested for violating the city's curfew by being outside at 1:40 a.m. and for being a minor in possession of alcohol at a party along the 4800 block of North 39th Street on Dec. 14. He might want to learn about the nuances of trying to pick up on woman as well since, while in the patrol car, the teen advised the arresting officer that she “looked very good for [her] age,” and that he would be willing to date her. The teen then asked her where he could get a medical marijuana prescription, citing a football injury as a source of pain. The subject was later released to his mother, without dinner plans.

Compiled by Derek Shuck


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