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Saturday, June 24, 2017 This Week's Paper

Pothole Pig rumors

There are new rumors about the disappearance of Percival, our beloved Pothole Pig. While there is no solid evidence at this point, the rumors have rekindled the search.
Rumor has it that Percival was leading a double life from the unassuming, all-business pig that he presented to his friends and co-workers. Rumors are now swirling that Percival fancied himself a "Ladies’ Boar," living as a serious and consummate bachelor in the public eye while indulging his secret delight of accompanying some of the South Sound's most bountiful young ladies to events in the area under the pseudonym ”Big.”
The rumor details from “Jennifer E” are that despite his best efforts to keep up this secret, care-free lifestyle, he became a father because of it, fathering five piglets, three girls and two boys all born about 45 minutes apart. 
Though he had always provided for his family, he is particularly proud of his eldest son, Patterson, who seems to have taken a liking to snooting out potholes in the area surrounding their home, just like his father had taught him.
Percival come home! Your children miss you! Until then we have to assume that Percival has simply vanished by his own choice. However, there are still potholes in the city that need attention, so we simply – and sadly – must hire someone to handle his workload.
We decided to give the candidates a trial run to see how they do in the field.
This week Carter the Crater Gator gave it another shot by finding a crater that would make Percival proud. But frankly, Carter might just not have the celebrity power to take on such a high-profile role. What are your thoughts? We have other candidates in the works that we might try out: Charles the Chuckhole Chicken and Blighty the Blight-Seeking Beaver, but several people voiced their opinion that a permanent replacement should be one of Percival’s relatives, namely Peyton, who lives in Portland, and Perry, who lives in Parkland. And now a new candidate has entered the running with a resume from Ruddy the Road Rut Reindeer, who is a brother-in-law of Tacoma Rainiers mascot Rhubarb.
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