The Daily Mash-Up

Monday, July 24, 2017 This Week's Paper
Is the Bieber hoax itself hoax? We present the “evidence”

The plot thickens for Biebergate 2012.

As reported by every major media outlet on the planet, pop star Justin Bieber tweeted that his laptop and camera were stolen from backstage during Tuesday night's performance at the Tacoma Dome. Then, in a strange twist on Thursday, a mysterious Twitterer named “gexwy” claimed to have swiped Bieber's goods and was threatening to post private videos online.

Ooooh. Juicy. So what would surface? A steamy clip of Biebs and Selena Gomez gettin' busy? A Miley Cyrus-style puff and pass session? Nope. The big reveal: It was all a hoax, and the actual “leaked footage” was the promo video for Nikki Minaj collaboration “Beauty and a Beat.”


But not so fast, faithful Tacoma Weekly readers. We have evidence that the hoax story may itself be a hoax; possibly a cover story aimed at discrediting whatever salacious material may eventually see the light of day.

After we received a tip that a mysterious Mac Book and camera had surfaced at Tacoma's Hilltop Loans we met with owner Rand Chiarovano. He recalled receiving the items for a man he described as blonde, 5-foot-9 and approximately, 30 years old. Chiarovano said the man was visibly on edge and looked vaguely familiar.

Chiarovano showed us security footage of the encounter, which we transcribe here.

Chiarovano: [Boots up computer.] This is a nice laptop. How much are you looking to get?

Customer: [Glancing suspiciously over his shoulder] I don't know. Uh, a hundred dollars?

Chiarovano: Hmm. Let's say 75.

Customer: [Agitatedly scratching at arms.] I, uh, yeah, whatever. That's c-c-cash, right? I'm broke and I need cash.

Chiarovano: Wait a minute. Why is there a sticker on here that says “Bieb's laptop. Hands off.” And the screen shot is of that kid, Justin Bieber. Didn't I hear something about this?

Customer: [Agitated] Hey, I'm in his fan club! Is that a [expletive deleted] crime? Look, dude, I'm in a hurry.

Chiarovano: OK, settle down, buddy. I just need to see I.D.

Customer: I.D.! Why?

Chiarovano: I at least have to get your name and phone number.

Custumer: My name? What? My name is – uh – Chance. Chance Glass.

Chiarovano: [Squinting] Hey, wait a minute! I know where I've seen you before. Sing "I Want It That Way."

[Customer backs away, trips in the power tools aisle and sprints out of the store.]

More on this breaking scandal as it develops.